Every Day Matters

Sep 18

quote You’ll know when a relationship is right for you- it will enhance your life, not complicate it!

— Renee Pisano
Sep 07

quote Have you ever experienced reality being better than your dreams?

— Misha
Aug 24

Best and funniest vines

Aug 24

quote Dating “self-talk”: Keep your eye on the bigger picture when the burgeoning intimacy of a new relationship makes you anxious. Tell yourself little things (either mentally or on notes you leave around your house) to soothe yourself, such as, “Focus on whether you like him, not whether he likes you,” or “If it’s meant to be, she’ll call; if not, I’ll have more energy to look for someone else.”

— Seth Meyers & Katie Gilbert, http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-is-2020/201111/4-rules-surviving-dating-how-find-lasting-love
Aug 24

Slow and Steady Wins the Race

     ”Some might say I’m an impulsive person. I get an idea, and I act on it…When I want something, I go for it. And yet, I’ve learned that in dating, slow and steady wins the race.

     When it came to dating, I was always someone who preferred to jump two feet in without testing the water. I figured that if I liked someone, it must be a good idea to see him seven nights a week, right? And, if he learned all my little idiosyncrasies early on, it would be endearing, wouldn’t it? I was a full-fledged jumper. And where did it leave me? Often having what should have been a year-long relationship (from the initial meeting and the honeymoon phase to our first fight and breaking up) all within the span of a month or two.

     As I gained experience, I realized that when you like someone who likes you back, the anticipation of seeing each other again is often the best part of a new relationship. Luckily for me, knowingly or not, my partner, Jeremy, pushed us into the slow and steady routine. Over two years later, I can see that this method was the best way to go for us.

     The beginning of a relationship is exciting, and the temptation to jump in is always going to be there. Remember though, if this person is going to be around for a while, it’s not necessary to hit the accelerator when you can simply cruise at a steady speed until you’re ready to take it to the next level. There is no hard and fast rule, but seeing someone once or twice a week for the first month of a new relationship is probably a healthy choice. This way, you’ll have the anticipation and excitement of the next date, and you’ll have enough to talk about since you didn’t just see each other the night before! Use this time to get to know each other – discuss hobbies, things that make you tick, life ambitions, etc.

     The same philosophy goes for when to be intimate for the first time…if you catch my drift. It’s certainly tempting early on, but once you go down that path with someone, getting to know each other often takes a backseat to, well, the things you can do in the backseat. It takes time to get to know someone before you can properly determine if you even want to open yourself up to that kind of intimacy. If a friend asks you (after you’ve done the deed) what your date’s hobbies are, or what he or she does for a living, you’ll probably want to know the answers.

      The early parts of a relationship are often the most exciting, so relish in them and try not to hit the fast forward button too soon. Get to know each other over ice cream, go to a baseball game, check out a new band, try a new restaurant, and all the while, learn about each other. That way, when you’re ready to start seeing each other more often, you’ll be comfortable that this person is someone you’d truly like to spend time with beyond the initial infatuation. And with the right person, that infatuation will linger for a long time, if not forever, so there’s nothing to worry about.”

Source: Erika Ettin, http://www.jdate.com/jmag/2012/07/slow-and-steady-wins-the-race/

Aug 24

quote The reality is that the process of attaching happens much faster than the process of getting to know someone on a truly deep level. If only we could slow our hearts down so that we could protect ourselves better from potential hurts, right?

— Seth Meyers & Katie Gilbert, http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-is-2020/201111/4-rules-surviving-dating-how-find-lasting-love
Aug 24

Dating 101: 4 Steps to Safely Getting Close

     Love at first sight (or inbox message) does exist once in a while. Hollywood has built an entire industry on the line “You had me at hello.” That being said, creating real closeness with someone usually takes time. Initial attraction draws people together but it can’t replace experience or make you close without putting in time and work. Instimacy (instant intimacy) can be energizing, exciting, and fun but how can you be sure your fledgling relationship won’t crash and burn? Here are four ways you can feel the magic of something new while keeping your feet firmly planted on the ground.

1. Actions Speak Louder Than Words 
In relationships there are two things—what a person tells you and what a person shows you. If you’re just getting to know someone on the phone and through email you’re banking on words more than actions. The danger is that you can feel really close to someone who simply can’t live up to their description of themselves. The world is full of people who are lazy, selfish, and untalented but how many people actually describe themselves as such? Spend time in person observing what a romantic interest does. If you don’t like what you see, run for cover.

2. We Teach People How to Treat Us 
This can be one of those obnoxious statements that doesn’t really ever seem to make sense. But Let’s break it down. Basically it means the best time to set the rules of a relationship is in the beginning of the game. Successful schoolteachers report that being more rigid in September and easing up as the year continues is the best way to gain respect and trust. It’s always better to back down from a boundary you’ve built than to build one after someone has crossed the line. At the get-go you can ask for what you want without years of built-up resentment and anger being the water under your bridge. You’re simply showing a new individual your standards. Don’t be afraid to speak up. A solid, safe person will respect your limits.

3. Love is a Two Way Street 
Make sure things are reciprocal. We interviewed a woman recently who shared with us what makes her current relationship different from previous unsuccessful relationships. The words she used were, “I move closer, he moves closer. He tells me how much he likes me, I tell him how much I like him.” In other words, there isn’t game playing. She doesn’t have to move away to get him to advance. They are both in it and that’s where they want to be. A good sign you’re in a healthy relationship is when both of you are on the same page (or at the very least reading the same book—the last thing you want is to be with someone who thinks they’re reading The Story of O while you think you’re reading Danielle Steel).

4. Keep it Real 
Fantasy is good fun but it can set you up for failure. Don’t come to a relationship with a sack load of expectations that you’re ready to throw down on some poor, unsuspecting fool. Don’t fail to take an honest look at a person. Someone can seem like your knight in shining armor only because you’re wearing your knight-in-shining-armor glasses. Men have these too — they call them beer goggles. If someone seems too good to be true, they probably are. If they are that good, time will tell. Stay sober literally and metaphorically so you can see people for who they really are. Finally, don’t be Speedy Gonzalez. Real love takes time to grow.

     In Cuba, there is a saying “When you’re in a hurry, slow down.” Let things progress slowly and naturally. You want to be in the relationship and enjoy its unfurling but you also want to be an objective observer gathering information about the person you’ve met, and how you feel in their presence. Safety is often an illusion. And there’s no guarantee of it. Human beings can be pretty unpredictable. But what you can look for is trust. Trust in yourself that you’ll carefully select a good guy. Trust in yourself that you’ll know when someone isn’t who he or she says they are. And trust in yourself that no matter what happens you will prevail.

Source: http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/dating/dating-101-4-steps-to-safely-getting-close/#.U_p0pLxdXAk

Aug 24

quote To know that you are seen and loved for who you are and to perceive someone else in all of their vulnerability and love them as they are may just be one of life’s most fulfilling experiences.

— Emma Seppala, http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/feeling-it/201209/vulnerability-the-secret-intimacy
Aug 24

quote Why do we fear vulnerability? We are afraid that if someone finds out who we really are, they will reject us.

— Emma Seppala, http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/feeling-it/201209/vulnerability-the-secret-intimacy
Aug 20

quote Dear school system, wouldn’t it make more sense if the amount of high school and college class hours were switched to get used to the long hours sand early morning wakeups of the job world after college?

— Misha
Aug 20

quote Relax. You will find someone who loves you!

— Misha
Aug 15

Why Relationships Fail: How to Make Love Last

     A research group from the Heriot-Watt University found that many people have a “warped sense of the perfect relationship” and “unrealistic expectations from their romantic partner.” They concluded that they got these unrealistic expectations from Hollywood love stories.

     These movies have us longing for a Cinderella or Prince Charming who will sweep us off our feet and make us happier than we have ever been. But can we really expect our partners to make us happy? Is that even fair to them?

     When I figured out this wasn’t the right approach to a relationship, I had already been in two failed ones. “Failed” may not be the right word, but these relationships were based on needs, from both partners.

    After the second relationship, I was single for a long time, and that’s when I started working on myself.

     My mentor told me, “It’s not a boyfriend you want; it’s what you think he can give you.”

     This was a real eye opener for me.

     I realized that this desire was my ego telling me there was something missing in my life and that I needed to find someone else to fill this gap for me. I didn’t have a person in mind yet, but I was already being unfair to him by expecting so much of him. I was demanding love.

Demanding Love Vs. Sharing Love

     If you expect your partner to make you happy, you are demanding love. If you were happy when you were single, you’re more likely to be happy in your relationship. And when you’re happy, you can focus on “sharing your love” instead of “demanding happiness.”

     Do you see how this can make a world of difference in your relationship? When you go from “needing” love, affection, and support to fill a hole in yourself, to “sharing” love and happiness from a place of fullness, your relationship (and life!) will blossom into something truly amazing and lasting.

The Love Illusion

     Not expecting anything from your partner doesn’t mean you can’t rely on them for support. It just means you don’t depend on them to ease the discomfort of being with yourself.

     Even if it seems like they do that for a while, the absence of discomfort will be an illusion. It’s like taking aspirin. You may not feel the headache anymore, but what caused the headache is still there.

     If you don’t like to spend time with yourself, you most likely don’t really love yourself. And if you don’t love yourself first, you cannot sincerely love someone else—or let yourself be loved by someone else.

4 Tips for a Loving, Lasting Relationship

1. Love yourself First

2. Choose to be happy.

True happiness comes from within. Nothing or no one can “make” you happy. When you are a happy person because you choose to be, this will rub off on your partner, or attract more potential partners if you are single. Being happy feels good on the inside and looks good on the outside!

A few ways to choose happiness every day:

-Practice gratitude and optimism. People who see the world optimistically see opportunities and love everywhere they go. There’s truth in the saying “Change the way you look at things and the things you look at will change.” Make a habit out of gratitude. When the sun shines on your face, when someone lets you cut in line, when someone smiles at you, say “thank you.” You don’t even have to say it out loud; thinking it will do just fine.

-Don’t let others determine how you feel. Try not to worry about what others say, think, or do—even if they talk badly about you. You can still respond to them, but don’t let it affect your level of happiness. The moment you get emotionally involved you have lost your inner peace.

-Accept your circumstances. You cannot control everything that happens in life. Sometimes, bad things happen. We cannot escape from this; we can only accept it. Choose to accept the circumstances you can’t change instead of causing yourself to suffer.

-Have fun! Find something you love to do and do it on a regular basis. For me, it’s snowboarding. Even though I’m physically exhausted after a day of snowboarding, mentally, I’m fully recharged.

-Meditate. Meditation was the foundation of my whole transformation process. I still meditate two hours a day. But if you are just starting out, fifteen minutes will do. Meditation will help you with all the points above; it will give you focus, mental clarity, and inner peace. It takes some practice, but if you put in the effort, the results will astound you.


Why Relationships Fail: 4 Tips to Make Love Last

In Love

“Happiness mainly comes from our own attitude, rather than from external factors.” ~Dalai Lama

If you get married today, there is a 60% chance that your relationship won’t last. Is finding true love really that hard or is there something else going on?

A research group from the Heriot-Watt University found that many people have a “warped sense of the perfect relationship” and “unrealistic expectations from their romantic partner.” They concluded that they got these unrealistic expectations from Hollywood love stories.

These movies have us longing for a Cinderella or Prince Charming who will sweep us off our feet and make us happier than we have ever been. But can we really expect our partners to make us happy? Is that even fair to them?

When I figured out this wasn’t the right approach to a relationship, I had already been in two failed ones. “Failed” may not be the right word, because I don’t regret them and I’m still friends with both of my exes, but these relationships were based on needs, from both partners.

After the second relationship, I was single for a long time, and that’s when I started working on myself.

When I started to see some changes in myself and in my life, I felt the desire to have a girlfriend again. I mentioned this to my mentor, and he said, “It’s not the girlfriend you want; it’s what you think she can give you.”

This was a real eye opener for me.

I realized that this desire was my ego telling me there was something missing in my life and that I needed to find someone else to fill this gap for me. I didn’t have a person in mind yet, but I was already being unfair to her by expecting so much of her. I was demanding love.

Demanding Love Vs. Sharing Love

If you expect your partner to make you happy, you are demanding love. If you were happy when you were single, you’re more likely to be happy in your relationship. And when you’re happy, you can focus on “sharing your love” instead of “demanding happiness.”

Do you see how this can make a world of difference in your relationship? When you go from “needing” love, affection, and support to fill a hole in yourself, to “sharing” love and happiness from a place of fullness, your relationship (and life!) will blossom into something truly amazing and lasting.

The Love Illusion

Not expecting anything from your partner doesn’t mean you can’t rely on them for support. It just means you don’t depend on them to ease the discomfort of being with yourself.

Even if it seems like they do that for a while, the absence of discomfort will be an illusion. It’s like taking aspirin. You may not feel the headache anymore, but what caused the headache is still there.

If you don’t like to spend time with yourself, you most likely don’t really love yourself. And if you don’t love yourself first, you cannot sincerely love someone else—or let yourself be loved by someone else.

What “True Love” Really Is

When two people get together and start working on themselves—when they aim to grow together instead of avoiding growth by depending too much on each other—they build a connection on a higher level. Couples who understand that this is the greatest gift they can give each other will be the happiest couples; they will experience true love!

4 Tips for a Loving, Lasting Relationship

1. Love yourself First

     Many people don’t realize that their feelings toward other people are largely determined by their feelings about themselves. Learning to love yourself will not only benefit yourself, but also your partner.

     A couple of ways to start loving yourself in action:

The mirror exercise: Stand in front of the mirror, look yourself in the eye, and say, “I love you. I really, really love you!” Don’t just say the words; try to feel them. It may take some practice, but if you do this two or three times a day for a couple of minutes, you will feel the results!

Practice self-acceptance. You are a magnificent human being. You may have some flaws, but that’s okay. Everybody has flaws and we all make mistakes. You can learn from them, accept them, and even be grateful for them, because they have helped form the person you are today.

2. Choose to be happy.

     True happiness comes from within. Nothing or no one can “make” you happy. When you are a happy person because you choose to be, this will rub off on your partner, or attract more potential partners if you are single. Being happy feels good on the inside and looks good on the outside!

     A few ways to choose happiness every day:

-Practice gratitude and optimism. People who see the world optimistically see opportunities and love everywhere they go. There’s truth in the saying “Change the way you look at things and the things you look at will change.” Make a habit out of gratitude. When the sun shines on your face, when someone lets you cut in line, when someone smiles at you, say “thank you.” You don’t even have to say it out loud; thinking it will do just fine.

-Don’t let others determine how you feel. Try not to worry about what others say, think, or do—even if they talk badly about you. You can still respond to them, but don’t let it affect your level of happiness. The moment you get emotionally involved you have lost your inner peace.

-Accept your circumstances. You cannot control everything that happens in life. Sometimes, bad things happen. We cannot escape from this; we can only accept it. Choose to accept the circumstances you can’t change instead of causing yourself to suffer.

-Have fun! Find something you love to do and do it on a regular basis. For me, it’s snowboarding. Even though I’m physically exhausted after a day of snowboarding, mentally, I’m fully recharged.

-Meditate. Meditation was the foundation of my whole transformation process. I still meditate two hours a day. But if you are just starting out, fifteen minutes will do. Meditation will help you with all the points above; it will give you focus, mental clarity, and inner peace. It takes some practice, but if you put in the effort, the results will astound you.

3. Fall in love when you are readynot when you are lonely.

     Don’t compromise or get into a relationship for the wrong reasons. Being alone isn’t the same as being lonely. When you love yourself, you don’t mind being alone sometimes because you are spending time with your best friend. Ironically, being in a bad relationship can make you feel like the loneliest person in the world.

4. Do not lose yourself in a relationship.

     Make time for yourself, pursue your own goals, and do things without your partner. Maintain a healthy balance between your personal time and your time together.

     Putting yourself first in a relationship might seem strange at first, but it makes perfect sense. If you go into a relationship expecting your partner to make you happy, your partner might expect the same from you. Do you really want to be responsible for your partner’s happiness? That’s quite a responsibility to take on.

     Wouldn’t it be much better if you and your partner entered a relationship and committed to becoming the best people you both can be while sharing your love with each other? No needs, no expectations, no obligations. Do you see how in a relationship like that, love has the freedom to grow into something truly amazing?

Source: http://tinybuddha.com/blog/why-relationships-fail-4-tips-to-make-love-last/

Aug 10

quote Generally speaking, when a woman offers unsolicited advice or tries to “help” a man, she has no idea of how critical and unloving she may sound to him.

— John Gray, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus
Aug 10

quote Martians never ask for advice unless asked. A way of honoring another Martian is always to assume he can solve his problem unless he is asking for help.

— John Gray, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus
Aug 10

quote When a woman tries to improve a man, he feels she is trying to fix him. He receives the message that he is broken. She doesn’t realize her caring attempts to help him may humiliate him. She mistakenly thinks she is just helping him grow.

— John Gray, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus